the side of me

it's been long time .
i need to express my feeling no matter what.

i feel nothing.
all my feelings are mixed.
i am sad , i am happy , i am depressed , i am mad.
i don't know what is wrong with me.

boyfriend problem :
okay , sometimes i just cant stand it anymore.
he treat me too bad.
a part me want to let him go and just be free and relieved without him.
but another part of me , want him so badly. want to love him. want to be with him and cant let him go.

i don't know. he still that way. treat me like i am nothing to him.
maybe i am.
he needs to be realize.
he cant love people when he doesnt even love himself .
he cant be with people if he still doesnt appreciate what and who's around him.
don't be so childish.

my problem :
goshh , i hate my hair.
to me at first , it was okay. it looks good.
but all people just critic it so badly.
they all doesn't like my hair.
they say it looks pretty bad on me.
damn !

my hair is ugly. my body is fatty. i am shorty. my skin isn't fair. b.o problem.
i can't stand straight. i can't be more pretty. ohhhhh !!!
i am such an ugly duckling :(

family problem and friends :

i miss my friends. they are all seem like want to get away from me.
why should they change ? i miss them.
so badly am :(

family , why cant they understand ?
why cant they treat me well ?

why everybody is like want to get away from me ?
am i that bad ?
i am so alone and so lonely right now.
and i am so sad.